JEALOUS AGAIN
the other night i was watching the news and there was a mustached man in a cheap shirt who was a representative of the australian asthma association or something talking very passionately about the asthma epidemic in australia. I want to know if he dreamed of being an expert on asthma when he was younger. i know that asthma is a very serious condition but seriously fuck that, he probably wanted to be something way cooler than that like a surgeon or a drug dealer or something. the sad thing is that i’m probably the same as mr asthma expert when he was eighteen. i’m average and not headed towards any form of great success, personal or otherwise that i can envisage at this point. in fact, becoming the head of the australian asthma association is probably a more notable achievement than whatever i’m going to do. i will have a alright sized house and an acceptable car that is seven years old and an average looking wife and boring kids and every three weeks i will try to change my life by going to the gym once or buying clothes that are inappropriate for my age. i guess the point of this update on my life is to inform everyone that i’m looking for an average-looking non-challenging girl who is into long term commitments and regretful impulse decisions who talks lots so i can smile and nod and go ‘haha yeah fuck that’ all the time and continue thinking about what i can buy next to make everything better

the other night i was watching the news and there was a mustached man in a cheap shirt who was a representative of the australian asthma association or something talking very passionately about the asthma epidemic in australia. I want to know if he dreamed of being an expert on asthma when he was younger. i know that asthma is a very serious condition but seriously fuck that, he probably wanted to be something way cooler than that like a surgeon or a drug dealer or something. the sad thing is that i’m probably the same as mr asthma expert when he was eighteen. i’m average and not headed towards any form of great success, personal or otherwise that i can envisage at this point. in fact, becoming the head of the australian asthma association is probably a more notable achievement than whatever i’m going to do. i will have a alright sized house and an acceptable car that is seven years old and an average looking wife and boring kids and every three weeks i will try to change my life by going to the gym once or buying clothes that are inappropriate for my age. i guess the point of this update on my life is to inform everyone that i’m looking for an average-looking non-challenging girl who is into long term commitments and regretful impulse decisions who talks lots so i can smile and nod and go ‘haha yeah fuck that’ all the time and continue thinking about what i can buy next to make everything better











For the first time in a long time I thought about Maman. I felt as if I understood why at the end of her life she had taken a 'fiancé,' why she had played at beginning again. Even there, in that home where lives were fading out, evening was a kind of wistful respite. So close to death, Maman must have felt free then and ready to live it all again. Nobody, nobody had the right to cry over her. And I felt ready to live it all again too. As if the blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself — so like a brother, really — I felt I had been happy and that I was happy again. For everything to be consummated, for me to feel less alone, I had only to wish that there be a large crowd of spectators the day of my execution and that they greet me with cries of hate.

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